Joshua Keezer

I always have crazy cat stories, yet I never write them down. That changes today with the beginning of what will be my series on the crazy shit my cats do.

My morning routine involves getting up sometime around 7:00 AM, wander into the bathroom, wander back into bed and hit the snooze button every six or seven minutes until I'm in a mad dash to get out the door and to work on time. This routine is sometimes disrupted by a variety of things. Almost every time something changes, it involves one of the cats in some form. Stepping on a pile of cat vomit seems to be the common change in routine when one occurs. At other times, it has been that one of the cats teleported from the foot of the bed to by my pillow while I'm in the bathroom.

This time is not one of those normal routines. If I had to describe myself in the morning with my morning pee, the best way to describe it would be to think of me as a brain eating zombie. My bladder has decided I need to be vertical where as my brain has decided to not wake up. Physical stimuli that isn't something I step on, is typically ignored. My brain puts in just enough energy to be considered auto-pilot. The journey to the bathroom is a short one. I slip out of bed, hit the snooze button, and instead of getting back into bed I walk approximately eight feet to the bedroom door and turn to my right. I then make it six feet, lift a toilet seat, urinate for what in brain time is an hour. Then, I lower the seat and head back to bed. Sometimes a cat follows me into the bathroom. Usually, they remain curled up on the bed.

On this particular morning, Hercules was curled up on the bed. Risu was not. I do not register cat locations. They are typically in one of a wide variety of places. In this case, Risu was not in the bedroom and did not follow me into the bathroom. I climbed out of bed, made my way to the bathroom door and looked at the toilet to register in that half-sleeping state what my next objective was. My brain stuttered and fired an auto-pilot abort sequence. Sitting on the toilet seat was Risu. Not the toilet lid, mind you. She was sitting on the seat.

Now, my brain was already entering reboot sequence by this point as I tried to figure out why she was sitting on the toilet seat. It has been four days since this event and I still don't have that answer. Instead, she looked up at my with curious regard. I moved closer and tried to establish in my now slightly-more-awake-but-still-asleep state what to do. My bladder was still saying I should pee. My brain was trying to re-engage auto pilot mode, but was struggling as it just divided by 0. So I reached the spot I would be if I were peeing and I stopped.

I looked down at Risu and she looked up at me. She had that cat expression that all cat owners know. It was the look that says, "I'm cute! Pet me!" I'm not sure what is so adorable about a cat sitting on a toilet seat at 7:00 AM that deserves a petting. I also have no idea how long she had been sitting on the toilet before I got in there. All I know is that I want to pee.

My brain is coming more awake now. I conceive of three options. In the first option, I can ignore my bladder and go back to bed. I know from experience, that this never works. I will be up again before the next chiming of my alarm clock. It is still a tempting option. The second option is that I can try and shoo the cat off the toilet. However, knowing how clumsy this cat can be, I see this resulting her pulling back and falling in the toilet. In all fairness, this was a pretty astute conclusion to come to. Just the other night, Risu decided to do a cuteness barrel roll on top of my wife's wooden chest and proceeded to roll off the side. She isn't great when it comes to spacial awareness. This leaves me the third option of petting her. Actually, no. There was a fourth option of ignoring the cat and peeing anyway. Petting Risu was not likely to work either. It would either encourage her to hang out on the toilet seat more often or induce a cuteness roll which could result in her plunging into the toilet.

My brain reached a deadlock. With no logical decision available, I simply stared at her. Eventually, she gave in and hopped down and went away. By the time I had finished peeing, I was wide awake and unable to get back to sleep.

I still don't know why she was on top of the toilet seat.

Someone on Facebook compared Obama to Hitler. To clarify. They are listed as a friend. They said that Obama is basically Hitler and that history is going to repeat itself.

Achievement Unlocked: Inner Rage of Squirrel

I want you to step back from a second. I do not care if you, or anyone else, hate Obama. This isn't about Obama. You may hate anyone you want. That's your choice. You are also quite capable of using your Freedom of Speech to say what you want. That's your choice. hell, making a joking comparison between Hitler and someone is fine, because its humor. "Oh, you know who else liked to breath air? That's right, Hitler"

However, if you are going to make a serious (non-Godwin) comparison between anyone to Hitler, you better have a fucking damn good justification if you expect me not to turn on you with such a rage that your ass will hurt for a month after. You better make sure that you know your history behind Adolf Hitler because I'm going to come at you full court press and be throwing those facts in your fucking face. And if you have a problem with it, you better apologize quickly and firmly.

Hitler was a fucking monster. He is one of the worst people to ever walk upon this planet. He isn't the only one. If you really want an example of another case of a monster that once walked this planet, Google "gulags" and get back to me. Hitler rose to power by rigging elections, campaigning fear, outlawing political parties, and forcing the opposition to step down. When he had power, he had millions of people killed.

There very well may be people like Hitler on this planet right now. There are certainly quite a few atrocities going on in Africa, the Middle East, and North Korea to argue that there are. Sort of that, nothing comes as close to the atrocities of Hitler anywhere in the world right now. And if you are seriously going to make an unfounded accusation that someone in modern politics is Adolf Hitler, you better make sure you can back up your words with fact.

I just saw this comment in response to General Petraeus' statement about Quran burning is a bad idea:

But burning our flag and screaming 'Death to America' is just fine.

To anyone out there that seriously thinks like this. Grow the fuck up. Just because someone else does it, never makes it right. That's something third graders understand better than you. Seriously. You have to be able to be better than those you disagree with and to do so is to not adopt their fucking stupid tactics. So what if people burn American flags anytime we do anything. Let them. Instead of going out and burning Qurans, go out and give someone homeless a bagel and a cup of coffee to make us a better nation.

You know what. Fuck it. On 9/11 I'm going to do just that. Instead of wahhing about how people burn our flags and hate us, I'm going to go out and do something nice for someone in need that lives in this amazing fucking country. I challenge you to do the same thing.

Spread the word. Unlocked.

Alice and I went through our manga and have over 500 books we want to sell. If you are interested in something, leave a comment indicating what you want or contact information. The cost is shipping price plus your offer per book. I'd like to get an average of $4 per manga. Some of these are worth more or worth less and I'll listen to your offer accordingly.

Edit as of Sept 12, 2010: I have removed old information and graphic novels that have sold. I also alphabetized the list.

Edit #2 FYI: USPS Media shipping is $4.00 for 5 lbs. 5 lbs is equal to 12 manga.

( Cut for SanityCollapse )

Watch this commercial and tell me what is wrong with it:


There are many acceptable answers, but the one I was looking for was the seriously offensive misogyny.

At the five second mark, the bunny comes across a scene of a princess in a cage. The bunny jumps over a pit and says, "Sorry hot stuff, gotta run." By the seven second mark, he is gone. If that had been all that Gamestop had done in the commercial, I'd be only annoyed. However, watch the commercial again and pay closer attention.

You have a princess in a cage, this is a classic video game cliche that is overused. This cage is, in fact, over a pit but if you look at the pit, you see it looks like it is filled with some sort of black tar. Disturbing but it gets worse. The tar, if you pay close attention to it, is boiling. You also might notice that the cage is being lowered into the tar. The bunny jumps over the pit and shouts, "Sorry hot stuff, gotta run." After he runs past the princess, you hear her scream.

So what has this bunny in such a hurry. It ends with the bunny reaching a room just in time to slip past the portcullis to a room full of coins. A voice tells you, "With deals this great, there is no time to waste."

I've been over the commercial a couple of times now and I just can't begin to fathom how terrible this commercial is. The bunny's reference to the princess as "hot stuff" takes on a completely different meaning when you consider the fact she is about to be lowered into boiling tar. Also, it might be worth noting that the bunny does not hesitate to consider saving the princess. The bunny does, however, hesitate to consider a large gem and a carrot.

This video is simply, completely unacceptable.

Review: An Artificial Night by Seanan McGuire
How many miles to Babylon?

An Artificial Night is the third book in the October Daye series. Rosemary and Rue was the first and introduced us to the October Daye faerie universe. A Local Habitation, the second book in the series, drove us deeper into that world with a locked door mystery. An Artificial Night, the third book, pits October Daye against one of the first-born, Blind Michael. In this book, there is no question who the villain is. The book is all about how is October Daye going to go up against Blind Michael, rescue the kidnapped children, and survive.

In An Artificial Night, Seanan McGuire demonstrates that normal doesn't belong in Toby's dictionary. The book opens with our protagonist dodging a barghest, a corgi sized fae dog with a lethal scorpion stinger. After finishing the job with our old friend Danny, the bridge troll, Toby does about the last thing I would expect. She goes to a four year old's birthday party.

The beginning of the book's pacing seems slow at first. The primary mystery is presented very early when Toby learns of abductions of children of pure blood, changeling, and mortal lineage. Toby is already on the case when she is asked by the last person in the world readers would expect to come to her for help. It takes a while for Toby to figure out who is behind this problem. Most of that time, Toby is getting a faerie equivalent of the Magic 8-ball's “Reply Hazy, try again”. Once the answer is finally solved, the book picks up speed and doesn't slow down. Though, for a while I did find myself checking how far I was into the book. I blame this on reading the back of the book. It leaves an implication that the book is about a single journey into a land by candlelight. It lies.

An Artificial Night is darker than the previous two books in the series. I think the analogy of a dark room lit by nothing but candlelight is more than appropriate for how dark. I was very creeped out at times and even found myself saying the “How many miles to Babylon?” rhyme as I read it. There is one particular discovery at a set of stables that left both Toby and myself disgusted. This visceral reaction is both a testament to not only just how dark this book is but to how powerful Seanan McGuire is as an author.

The typical October Daye tropes are still to be found in An Artificial Night. Toby is forced into a costume change. Tybalt has some unkind words to describe Toby. Toby gains at least one new scar. Toby's car is victim to her investigation. Much to my displeasure, Toby finds herself falling unconscious numerous times. However, unlike the previous books, this book opens up a new element to the October Daye universe. While I found myself annoyed at how many times Toby was staring at the inside of her eyelids, I at least enjoyed what was found there. And, if you read the excerpt from Late Eclipses printed at the back of the book, you will see strong hints at things to come.

Speaking of strong hints at things to come, this book is once again hinting at something stronger down the line. As if the introduction of newest May wasn't enough, a series of conversations between Tybalt and Toby suggest something that is taking place behind the scenes. I can't help but feel that each book of the October Daye series is building up for something explosive down the road.

In the end, there is something for everyone in this book. Seanan McGuire continues to use her superb mix of wit and tension to keep the reader in just enough suspense that they don't snap. The plot is captivating and just like its predecessor, A Local Habitation, there are pieces that careful readers can figure out before Toby does. Also, as best that I can tell, every major and minor character in the October Daye universe makes an appearance. I was hard pressed to think of a character that didn't make an appearance and even harder pressed to come up with a character that wasn't mentioned. Even April from A Local Habitation makes a brief appearance.

This book warmed my heart to two characters, one old and one new. There was something about the appearance of the rose goblin, Spike, that seemed not only natural, but right. The rose goblin is in the book more than some of the other major characters and somewhere along the line, I realized that Spike has become my favorite minor character. As for the new character, there is Raj. I would very much like to have Raj for a son. If anyone is aware of a Cait Sidhe adoption program, please let me know.

I'm the first to admit that I am a very picky reader. I have a hard time finding books on the store shelves that I'll even try, let alone like. An Artificial Night provided for me everything I want in a novel. The characters are rock solid. The plot is phenomenal. I even found myself cheering with glee one moment and nearly weeping another. This book was overall superb and is a must read for anyone that finds at least a remote interest in Urban Fantasy.

Introduction
I believe that if you want to write, you should be writing every single day. When you force yourself to write daily, you start finding it easier to sit down and write. I have also personally found that writing daily has greatly upped my word count. I can usually handle 2000 words in a day unless I'm starting in on something new.

My Promise
1. I will provide a writing prompt around every Friday to help those struggling.
2. I will share occasional tips and tricks that worked for me and others.
3. I will help get 100 people to the point of 365+ days of consecutive days of writing.
4. I will prove that this works by getting myself published.

What I Can't Promise
I cannot promise to have a post up every Friday. I work on Fridays. I take vacations. I sometimes work overtime. These things can make it very difficult to getting a post up on Friday.

What counts as daily writing?
For me, it is one written word on a piece of fiction or non-fiction that I choose to write. So for those of you who have to write TPS reports or articles for newspapers, these only count if that's why you are taking up this challenge.

How do I participate?
There are two ways to participate. The first way is to post a twitter on Friday. You need to include two things in your twitter. Include how many days of writing you have reached and include the tag #365writeplus. If you want to include a daily goal and #writegoal, that's fine too.   The other way to participate is to post a comment to this blog posting with your current daily count and anything else you feel like sharing.

Writing Prompt
A stranger has just reached an inn in the middle of a violent storm

Bonus Challenge:
Write this scene in the first person perspective

Special Writing Challenge
If I get 5 people to twitter a #365writeplus challenge, I'll share my scene from the above writing prompt in the morning on Saturday.

If you are reading this right now, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL memory of you and me.

It can be anything you want - good or bad - BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this little paragraph on your LJ and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you.

[Public Post. If you want to add years later when you stumble upon this, feel free to do so.]

• 14:41 I started working on a querry letter for The Rose and the Crown. #

Today's twitter posts brought to you by our sponsor.

Sometimes a small realization makes a big difference.

I will be celebrating my 9th Anniversary with my wife in March. Since we have married, Alice and I have never had a schedule that allows us to spending evening together. One of us has always had a conflicting schedule (usually me). Realizing this makes me want to have a 9-5 schedule so badly. Hopefully, I'll pull something off through my work. But how much I really want this has grown exponential over the last couple of days.